Expecting a Miracle : Merry Christmas to Us!

Our story is not packed with the usual surprises. I always expected (and wanted) to be able to make "surprise" announcements to Clint, my family, my friends, and everyone. I still (sort of) got to do that, but it wasn't anything like I expected.

I'll try not to spend too much time talking about IVF and "unexplained infertility" and subject you all to that ocean of emotion (but it's kind of hard to separate that aspect from everything else). This is a story of unexpected surprises. (As opposed to expected ones, of course). I tried to limit it to 10. :)

Surprise #1: Three Years

Perhaps the most shocking and unwelcome surprise was that we didn't get pregnant after just a couple months of trying or even after a couple years of tests and treatments. Most couples (we were no exception) have some sort of plan for "fall in love, get married, have babies, live happily ever after, etc..." It's a big blow when that doesn't pan out.

Surprise #2: Sweet Moments

Despite the difficulties, Clint and I both found that we were amazingly resilient, and even optimistic. We've both admitted that we can't take credit for being strong...heaven blessed us. When we had a really bad day, it was like we realized, "Wow, we really have been doing okay the past few days." Even though we felt run-down pretty much all the time, we also felt a lot of gratitude for each other and grew closer together.

Surprise #3: Amazing Friends and Family

It's amazing how once you do start reaching out to people and saying, "I'm struggling with something," some people turn into angels who can't help but show you they care. A few amazing souls even reached out to me before I found the guts to say anything (I'm extremely introverted).

There's more people out there than I realized who have struggled with infertility at some level or another and we felt their sympathy and prayers. I would never have been able to understand the depth of emotion that accompanies infertility if I didn't go through it myself. And yet, some people (like my baby sister) somehow knew just the exact moment when I didn't need any words, just a hug (crying just thinking about it).

Surprise #4: Doctors and Drugs 

We started seeing a specialist in the summer of 2012. I was amazed at the compassion I felt from the doctors and nurses. Last Christmas Eve, I had to go in for a treatment on Christmas Eve morning and tried to joke with the doctor (feeling insecure generally prompts me to do this) and I said something about how he "got the short end of the stick" since he had to work on Christmas Eve. His sincere response was that he would rather be here than anywhere else and he loved helping people with their dreams on Christmas Eve (darn him for making me cry in front of him).

So for about a year and a half there, I was consistently taking more drugs and hormones than my body had ever experienced simultaneously before in my life.The hardest part was giving myself shots (it didn't hurt THAT much, but I'm kind of a baby). In September of 2013 when we started the IVF process, I was on a cocktail of various drugs, shots, and hormones that I can't even remember. If my emotions hadn't already been jacked up over the past couple of years, I'm sure people would have wondered if I had gone a bit loco.

Surprise #5: My (First) IV and Bed Rest Experience

One Friday in September, Clint went with me to do what was the scariest part of IVF. I got my first IV (and spurted quite a bit of blood after the nurse's first attempt. Had a bruise on my hand for a week after.) Shortly after, I went "under" while the doctors retrieved my eggs. I spent a day or so on bed rest. It was kinda nice to have an excuse to sit at home, although I couldn't move much at all, I was sore, I was a bit drugged up, and I was not really able to paint my nails or do anything else fun. Getting flowers and meals was pretty sweet, though! :)

Surprise #6: A Song

The next Wednesday after the Friday egg retrieval, our great doctor "transferred" 2 of the embryos back into me. That gave us about a 30% chance of twins, 60% chance of having one baby. Best chance we'd ever had.

After the transfer, Clint sat with me (I couldn't move for at least 30 minutes) and there was soft music in the room. "Somewhere over the Rainbow" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole started playing and suddenly Clint and I both thought, "It's gonna be okay." We just...knew. The nurses took me out to the car in a wheelchair (weird) and I spent the next 3 days on bed rest.

Surprise #7: Two Phone Calls

Two weeks later, on a Monday morning, we went in for a blood test. I went to work expecting a call from the nurse some time in the afternoon. Talk about nerve-racking! At first I thought, "There is no way I am going to answer that call at work." What if it was bad news? I would want to crawl into a hole and cry. And not at work. And if it was good news? Well, I would still be pretty distracted. Clint said he would be just as distracted not knowing and he would rather just KNOW.

I was sitting at work, trying to think and not think at the same time, when my phone buzzed. It was the doctor's office, and...I just HAD to answer it. I couldn't not answer it. So I picked it up and ran outside as fast as I could. The nurse's first words (bless her wonderful heart) were, "So I have some good news for you." And of course there was no stopping my tears from that moment on. She said that my numbers said I was definitely pregnant. I would go in two days later just to confirm that those numbers were going up like they should. (I looked it up, she was referring to HCG levels). I hung up with the nurse and called Clint. I think I gave him a heart attack because he could tell I was crying before I got any words out. When I finally got the words out, we both cried. I never imagined I would share that moment with Clint over the phone, but I knew he wanted to find out right away, and I couldn't wait till we were both home.

Surprise #8: A Heartbeat

We got lucky again when Dr. Peterson did a 6-week ultrasound and we heard the precious little heartbeat...yes, even at 6 weeks. Such a magical sound from something no bigger than a grain of rice! If not for that little miracle, I would have doubted I was really pregnant because I didn't feel a thing.

Surprise #9: Announcements

If I had gotten pregnant in the "usual" way, I probably would have waited until I started showing before saying anything to anyone besides Clint. As it was, several friends and family members knew what we were going through and were understandably anxious for us, so they were expecting the word. We tried to tell our immediate families that "results were inconclusive" for a few days before we could break the news the way we wanted. I had fun painting pumpkins (in the picture) with the due date: 06/2014. Everyone loved it. And it was yet another Halloween miracle for this spook-loving girl.

I think we have enjoyed sharing the news to family and friends in person even more than we would have had we not traveled this road. Their tears and their exclamations of joy mean that much more when they have also seen the opposite side of the coin.

Surprise #10: Feeling Great

15 weeks and going strong!! 

Like I said, I had a hard time feeling pregnant at first even though I couldn't exactly doubt the nurse's word. Thanks, Mom! for passing on some gene that means I didn't get sick or nauseous or anything besides minor discomforts (Clint, stop laughing at my bodily functions)! According to every doctor I've seen recently, I'm fit as can be. I said "yes sir" when my IVF doctor told me months ago to set aside running for a while, but I am doing my best to stay physically fit for Baby's sake in other ways. It was hard to give up running (I'm hoping my body will remember how after a year's break). Really. It was. But some sacrifices are worth making.